Lately he has shown up on the periphery of my conscious and subconscious thoughts. He has been in multiple dreams, both in sleep and awake. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I am snapped back into reality when it is not his face I see. In moments I am sitting, doing nothing that even closely resembles my "old life", I hear his voice call my name and instinctively turn to answer.
This is pretty representative of all my emotions coming up, not just those around missing Gabe. It's coming at a time when I am missing everything more than I ever thought possible. The more I settle and become familiar with my, no longer new, surroundings I find myself grasping for my past. Yearning, needing contact with those things and people I know. Moving here has been the best choice, and I am also having a hard time.
So I am calling on the troops. What I am needing most right now is love and contact with friends and family. That can look like comments here, emails, a skype call, snail mail, a facebook message. Whatever. I am missing you all madly and would LOVE to hear from you. A hello would be nice, but I would really love a story or anecdote, specifically about something in your life or an update about something you did or saw that you think I would have enjoyed, or maybe about somewhere we used to go together. (Thank you Allie for the tea message.... though it was simple I immediately felt you near me).
My stubborness has prevented me from asking specifically, not wanting to say out loud that I needed anyone. Thank you for listening.
4 comments:
I don't know if you knew when you I commented on your 25 Random Facts on Facebook, but I quit my job this week. Jay will be making enough in the spring that I will be able to stay home with my girls. Kameryn will be 3 in April and Reagan just turned 5 months, and I can't believe how fast it's all going by. I'm really excited and really scared about the transition. Interestingly, I've always found people that dramatically change their circumstances, like you moving to Germany, to be inspiring, and I feel like this is my small way of doing that. It makes me wish you were here so I could start coming to that child dance class again every week. I don't know for sure when I'll be done with my job, it all depends on when Jay starts working again which depends on the weather. But I'm excited.
Sorry I haven't been commenting on things lately, or updating my blog. I am back in school and working hard to keep up with the homework, work, and that wedding that I did last weekend. I hope to be posting more pictures, etc later. I do stop by and read your blog even if I don't always comment. Hang in there. I miss you too!
I was sad that we didn't connect on Skype last week. Let's try again soon! I'll be post-call on Wednesday, so I'll log on then to see if you're around.
I love you!
Hooray for a trio of Hanna women! You all rock and I love that I am, in my own way, a part of your family.
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