Landing

It has been nearly two full weeks since my plane landed in Germany launching me into this new chapter. Today, fourteen days after that fateful day, I am noticing that I am not really here yet. Not one hundred percent anyhow. Pieces of me have slowly been finding there way to stable ground, but I have yet to allow my entire self to experience what I am doing. I have been using small excuses such as jet lag, no room of my own, illness, or lack of a bed to rest on to get around completely showing up. "Well, when I just have (insert silly whatever here) I will feel like I am really here."

Uh, wake up call Amanda, you are really here. You are already immersed in a city and by accepting more jobs or invitations you are strengthening your bond to this place.

I noticed this disconnect for the first time today. It usually takes me less time to become aware of such a situation. In such a new space it is easy for me to fall into old unconscious patterns. What is is I feel afraid. Through all the excitement and anticipation I haven't given love to the part of me that is afraid. That part of me will, if I continue to ignore it, bring me down. And I don't want to be down.

I henceforth commit to loving myself for feeling afraid. And to being conscious of my fear when it shows up so that I may have a connected and honest relationship with each person and situation I come into.