Vonda

A little late update.....two weeks after an admission the the ER for a fall my grandmother passed away from very advanced cancer. Having a presence in her lungs, hips, spine, and femur bone there was little to be done aside from pain control. It was shocking to learn how advanced the cancer was, knowing that it had been in her and spreading for years without anyones knowledge. I am glad that she went in peace and, despite the little time afforded her to prepare herself, she was ready to go.




The funeral was bittersweet. The opportunity to see family that I know little about as well as to feel close, supportive, and supported of my mom and siblings was lovely. Visiting Helper again and seeing it for the imperfect gem it is. Reminiscing and creating new memories.

I haven't had to deal with death close to me in my adult life. I was surprised to see what came up for me. Certainly sadness, but it was quite and painless. Tears came not when I thought that my grandma, as I have always known her, was gone, but when I looked around the room and saw the struggle in peoples faces to come to terms with the situation. To see my mom with her sisters or my grandma's only surviving sister torn up. I felt peace in my ability to be in that space. I felt peace at the viewing when I saw my grandma and knew that she was in fact not dead at all.



For those of you fellow Harry Potter fans you will understand what I saw and felt. While Voldemort seeked to make himself immortal through horxcruxes, splitting himself through hate and murder he missed the greatest road to immortality. Looking at my grandmother and the filled room of the funeral I saw her in all those around her. Through love and sharing who she was she was unable to die. Her spontaneous creativity, silliness, and kindness are alive in me. I learned a lot from her and as long as I remember that she is here. There is no pain in that thought.