B Chronicles

I haven't felt like such a toddler since, well, since I was a toddler. This last week, and particularly the last three days, have been anstregend (stressfull). I have had one situation after another come up where I have said "No" to something and had the other person completely ignore it. It has never been easy for me to say no and I only started to embrace the word a few years ago. I can use it quite easily now, it doesn't pain me as it comes out. However my "no" has no stamina. It will come out once easily, twice and it begins to twitch, but if I have to repeat it more that that I tend to give up. And in the last few days I notice, I do not want to give up. I refuse to. But the fact remains that I don't know how to do that actually. So the result is a slightly more grown up version of hands on the hips, stomping feet, sour face, and a percussive, "I already said NO!" It isn't pretty. It isn't preffered. But right now, it's the only thing that feels adequate.

All I know is that I need to find a way to make it work or I will not survive here much longer.